Creative Endeavors, Pandemically Speaking

By: Kirsten Brunn

It would be so much sexier to say that I entered the pandemic confidently; however, the reality is that when I realized the severity of what we were facing I completely spun out. I stopped sleeping, I was struggling with being positive, and all I could see is me not being able to provide for my daughter and I. It was not conceivable that I should or could continue to create jewelry. The world was so hurt by the coronavirus that I could barely take in all the stimuli created as a result of it. Feeling so overwhelmed left me with one course of action – I decided to allow myself to feel what I was feeling without trying to filter or hold back my sense of desperation.

I deal with depression and anxiety, I hide it but it is as much a part of my life as breathing. I respect that I have to deal with the things that are bothering me or life will stop me in my tracks. I manage it by facing what I am dealing with and allowing myself to feel. That means I feel as bad as I need to feel for as long as I need to feel it right up to the point that it becomes self-indulgent. Once I have worked out how and why I feel what I feel I make myself face and accept where I am in my process. This is how I remind myself that I am ok with being human and stop myself from feeling like I have to be strong. It’s how I remind myself that it is okay to be whatever I need to be to rise from any situation that life presents me.

Creative endeavors in a pandemic almost seem vacuous and being a creator does not make that feel any different. In fact, I understand the impulse to feel that way. There is so much loss, noise, anger, and confusion it really feels as though we should just use our energy to try to make the world better. However, making jewelry comes from positive energy. Every creator, artist, musician or person that adds beauty to world that is so ravaged by grief plays a role in their individual and to the collective experience.

For me, this is my livelihood but it is also a critical part of my life. It’s the seed of ingenuity that I planted almost two decades ago and have continued to water. It was the thing that made me reconnect with being a creative. It is the skill that has allowed me to find and nurture many of the relationships that I have today. It has been the steady endeavor that has never failed me even when I have been afraid or doubtful of what comes next. It has done more than created an income, it has allowed me to grow.

For me, creativity is the thing that will allow me to connect and fare well at being a woman, mother, daughter, friend, and good human in this moment. It’s the path I have chosen for me and that being said your experience can be just surviving. I started out feeling lost and I feel so grateful to be where I am today; but there is no telling where I will be next week. If all you do is take care of yourself then celebrate that as your contribution to this moment.

Be creative with the way you care for yourself and let that extend to the people around you. Be your own project, meditate, pray, watch something that will make you laugh, sing a song that stirs your soul, do whatever feels good and find joy in yourself. Be present, look forward to better days, and do what works for you. Doing you has never meant more so do it with your whole heart and know that I am cheering your efforts because we got this.

-Kirsten

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