Mother: A Fancy Term for Doin' What You Gotta Do
Here in America we just celebrated Mother’s Day. When I was a little girl, I enjoyed celebrating Mother’s Day! It brought me such joy to buy cards and tchotchkes with sayings that reflected what my heart felt for my beautiful Mom. As the years passed, it became less of a “big deal” to me because I no longer lived near my Mom and the hype surrounding the holiday was lost on me. Sure, I would send cards, gifts and call, but the holiday wasn’t the same. I was ok with this because I eventually adopted the mindset of not needing a holiday to celebrate my Mom or anything, to be quite frank.
When God blessed me with a child of my own, Mother’s Day took on a whole new meaning in my life. Welcoming a special day where the entire country recognizes a role that I had gained a deeper appreciation for, sparked the desire to look forward to celebrating it again! This year my husband and daughter made the celebration special for both my Mom and I.
This post is less about Mother’s Day and more about my story as a Mother.
I wish I could say that I couldn’t wait to become a mother, or that I was elated when I found out that I was pregnant. That’s not my truth. Instead of positive, happy feelings, for nine months I felt fear, sadness, stress and at times hopelessness. Based on my relationship at the time, I could see clearly where this was headed; straight to single motherhood. When my daughter was born, I felt like I brought an entire human being into the world at a disadvantage. I wasn’t ok with this and I was extremely saddened by that reality.
Your girl doesn’t stay down for long! With lots of support and a strong will, I tapped into my power to begin changing the trajectory of my life.
When I reflect on my journey as a Mother, four things come to mind; sacrifice, determination, reward, and satisfaction.
Sacrifice
I wanted to be the type of parent who made a positive impact on my daughter’s life. However, when she was born, I was not in a position to do much of anything. As a then young, single mother living in a state with very little family and an income that was a dollar or two above minimum wage, I had to make critical decisions about life very quickly. At the time, the best thing to do despite the support from friends and family was to ask my parents to temporarily raise my daughter for me. So, when my daughter was 18 months old, I flew to Florida to meet up with my parents to drop her off until she was of age to start kindergarten. This was certainly one of the hardest things I had ever decided to do. My heart hurt because surely this meant that I had failed. My fight or flight went into overdrive and it was time to implement the action plan that I played out in my mind for months prior.
Determination
In the next three years, I needed to maintain a relationship with my daughter (long distance), increase my hourly wage exponentially, enroll in a college, buy a new vehicle, improve my credit, and gain a refocused mindset. Nothing could stop me! I put blinders on and began to plow away at my list with one goal in mind; be better. I knew that I would go back for my daughter the Summer before she turned five, but I had no idea how I would do it. I’ve always felt like a determined person, but now I was forced to put it to the test. In true “Donna fashion”, I did EVERY SINGLE thing that I said I would do. I even found love!
I restarted my college career attending Community College part time as I worked a full-time job by day and a part-time job on the weekends. During this time, I kept switching full-time jobs until I found a company where I felt that I was valued and there was room for growth. I grew and maintained relationships and built a support system that ended up being an essential village for my daughter and I upon her return. When my Sunshine Girl stepped off that plane to move back with her Momma, she ran into the arms of a mother whose hard work and determination paved the way for an outcome that showed promise.
Reward
“They” say, what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger. I also learned that what doesn’t kill you has the power to make you awesome! The work I put in while my daughter lived with her grandparents yielded great rewards for both of us. Perhaps nothing looked different on the outside, but the work I did internally was what she needed most. She deserved a Mom who released the stronghold of shame, felt good about herself and no longer needed to struggle for basic necessities.
One of the biggest rewards from back then is the compliment, “Donna, you are such a good mother.” I fought for that and the acknowledgement from complete strangers, family, friends and even my daughter was and is always enough.
Satisfaction
Seeing the type of human my daughter has grown up to be brings me great satisfaction. She still has a lot of living to do, but my job is done with raising her. I enjoy this new role as mom-coach. Having a front row seat as I watch her navigate life is extremely satisfying to me. This all started out beautifully broken and 18 years later we surfaced EXTRAordinary!
It brings me great joy to say “Happy Mother’s Day!” knowing all that I sacrificed along the way.
