Mom is Blooming Where She's Planted!
There were so many times in my adult life when I wished that my parents lived in close proximity to me. I would pray that sickness or death wouldn’t become barriers before I could enjoy spending quality time with them that lasted longer than a two month span. I know I’m not alone in sharing this desire to enjoy my parent(s) indefinitely all while having an opportunity to show tokens of appreciation in whatever form possible.
To give some background, My parents lived on the island of St. Thomas, USVI where they raised my brother and I. At the age of 17, I moved away to the mainland and have been living in the states ever since. Over the years, I had never stopped imagining what life would be like if they lived closer, and then finally in the Summer of 2018, my prayers were answered. My time had come: I finally get to have my parents live near me during their retirement years! Within six months, “parents” turned into “parent” after my father gained his wings. Needless to say, the vision was permanently tainted, but once some time went by, I began to embrace my new normal with Mom. Staying true to my create-the-life-you-want self, I seized this new opportunity to forge new memories with my mom. So, a year after her big move to New Jersey and six months after losing her husband and best friend, it was time to amp up our mother-daughter adventures!
After so many years of seeing my mom as a selfless caretaker, I realized that I had very little idea about what she would enjoy doing for fun. What I did know is that I am the type of person who knows exactly what she wants and has a ferocious desire to do and see it all. It’s no secret, I’m more like my Father in this way (read about it here). Nonetheless, on the surface, this would make it easy; I would plan everything and mom would tag along for the ride. Problem - that’s not what I had in mind, it’s not a healthy way to treat someone else, and it doesn’t provide opportunities for strengthening our relationship. What I did know, that was established ages ago, is that my mom loves to shop. However, retail therapy gets old (this is not an admission...hahahaha) and besides, we needed fresh, new experiences together. Somehow, I could feel that it was time for my Mom to begin blooming wherever she’s planted!
God’s timing is perfect and in June we were invited to travel down to Virginia to meet up with family. One thing that remains consistent is that my mom loves her family and would usually never turn down an opportunity to spend time with them. Perfect! We were on a five hour road trip to Virginia that consisted of laughs, quarrels, and lots of love. Two nights visiting family we both haven’t seen in ages wasn’t long enough, but perhaps just enough time to provide mom with a break from her daily routine that she is in fact still getting used to. And of course, any time together to create new memories is priceless.
Sure, road trips are great, but I like engaging in activities to have fun! Well, she must’ve read my mind because a few weeks later, mom suggested getting tickets to see Dianna Ross in concert. This was a huge milestone because I took it as a sign that she was feeling more hopeful and ready to begin looking forward to experiences in this new season. You see, I understand that the space between grieving and planning your life can be tricky, so I understood how major this was. Without hesitation, Mom and I had tickets to enjoy the diva herself in concert over the Fourth of July weekend. Watching her groove to the music as she watched one of her favorite artists perform was a special treat for me. I love that we had the best time together and that it was her suggestion!
Keeping the Summer time/fun time momentum rolling, it was time for another girl’s getaway. This time, we would fly to Orlando to meetup with friends and family to end the season EXTRAordinarily. I had big plans that were ultimately cut short due to the threat of Hurricane Dorian. That was such a bummer! Anyway, we still kept our tickets to join friends at the Holy Land Experience in Orlando. My mom is not an amusement park type of person by any stretch of the imagination, but as a Christian based theme park the Holy Land Experience was right up her alley. She got to the park early and stayed to watch one of the last performances. Knowing that this activity was a new way to create fun memories, I became filled with so much gratitude for her.
After a Summer hanging out with Mom, I learned:
We are both re-learning each other. She is getting to know the 39 year old woman who is a wife, mother, professional, and entrepreneur while I’m learning to appreciate a mom who fights each day to redefine who she is without the titles of caretaker and wife.
We are two opposites who connect on a “love level”. I’m an extrovert and she is an introvert which lends itself to meaningful silence and lots of entertainment by me.
My patience is being honed. While my mom looks beautifully youthful, the reality is that she is aging. I do things and process information at a rapid pace which needs to be scaled back to fully include her in the experience(s) that we share.
She needs an advocate and that person is me.
I enjoy and value her company more and more each day.
She is EXTRAordinary!
Maybe you’ve had the opportunity to live in close proximity to your mom, or perhaps you were like me and lived thousands of miles away. Well, now that she’s a more consistent part of my EXTRAordinary life, I’m sure you’ll be hearing more about the way our newfound mother-daughter duo is taking life head on. So stay tuned! In the meantime, share with me how you spent this past Summer with your mom?
Extraordinarily Yours,
Donna