Preserve Your Power On Purpose
By: Donna Hendricks
Not long ago self-care was disguised as vanity, taking a break was considered lazy, and being in the struggle was more valuable than getting a trophy. It’s unfortunate that many of us have subscribed to the notion that we need to work ourselves down to empty in order to feel fulfilled. Read that again. How can you be completely empty, but left with a false sense of fulfillment? Why are we afraid to take a break...do absolutely nothing of “importance”? While the answers to these questions lay deep within and are personal, it’s time to consider the alternative: taking the time you need to develop a self-care mentality is more valuable than focusing on a task or goal that needs achieving.
The one thing I’ve always felt that I have FULL, COMPLETE control over is my life. Going to, what some might consider, great lengths to maintain the smile on my face that is connected to the happiness in my heart has always been my default. I feel uneasy and extremely out of balance when I’m running on empty or overextending myself without refueling. You see, when your superpowers include an outgoing personality and good vibes, it has the potential to run low often. While I’m intrinsically motivated, I’m a total extrovert who is constantly in a flow of giving and receiving energy from people. Energy is powerful, divine, and can be draining! However, I wouldn’t trade it, so instead I learned quickly how to incorporate self-care as a means to manage it.
Nowadays, Self-Care has become a catchphrase that I observe people using to justify the times in their life that have been reserved for partaking in activities that are fun and/or relaxing. Engaging in activities that stimulate us in a variety of ways is essential, but the activity itself is only the outward manifestation of inner work that needs to be done to bring about true fulfillment. What’s interesting to me is that despite its overuse for marketing and other purposes, many people have no idea how to truly develop a self-care mentality. Authentic Self-love should be the driving force of the daily Self-care choices that we make. With these five practices, I keep my power and incorporate self-care through deliberate subconscious acts.
Lean on my faith
For me, trusting God and seeking to live a life of strong faith is the core of everything that I do. With this foundation, I’m not left to guess or wonder about the type of life that I desire to live. It also makes it easy to love myself and walk effortlessly into a destiny that is already promised to me. Reading a daily devotional has become part of my morning routine which helps to reinforce my ability to lean heavily on faith. Even Though it seems like a very common thing to do, I actually didn’t have the idea go out and actively purchase a devotional. One of my best friends gifted it to me and it has literally been instrumental in changing my life!
Practice Gratitude
One year, another one of my best friends gifted me a yellow ceramic jar that I immediately turned into a gratitude jar. Prior to receiving it, I had every intention of starting a gratitude jar but hadn’t acted upon it. I abandoned the idea until I found a jar worthy enough to be “Donna’s Gratitude Jar”. After seeing pictures on Pinterest, I was determined to have a gratitude jar that was uber-creative and very thoughtfully put together too. My friend had no idea of my goal and her gift just happened to resemble the other jars I’d seen which thankfully fit my vision. For a full year, I committed to writing down one thing that I was grateful for, and before I knew it I had developed an attitude of gratitude! One item was no longer enough and I would find myself having multiple things to be grateful for which no longer left time for self loathing or complaining. With this attitude at the forefront, I began to only see opportunities and immediately learned to reject anything that doesn’t influence me positively.
Ask myself questions
Prior to doing anything or going anywhere, I ask myself a few questions to help me determine if it’s something that I should be doing - 1. Will I benefit positively in any way from this experience? 2. Does this experience create an opportunity to bless someone else? 3. Does this experience compromise my mental, physical, or spiritual well being? This internal questioning happens very quickly, but is a critical component to my decision making process. Therefore, I say both yes and no to requests/opportunities confidently!
Talk to myself with love
I’m very fortunate to have learned the importance of healthy self-talk. What I tell myself is placed higher and has more impact than what anyone else says about me. My mantras and affirmations change often, but what never changes is that I verbally and wholeheartedly forgive myself on a daily basis. Through my words, I speak life into myself and in turn maintain a mindset that I am enough. My mom enjoys sharing that my first words as a child were “I’m dynamite!”, and while I may waiver from this from time to time, it accurately reflects how I continue to feel about myself. With this practice, the times when I beat myself up about something are far less than the daily uplifting that happens between me, myself, and I.
Be in control of my time
After learning the extent to which I dislike my time being wasted, I decided to honor this about myself. Making conscious decisions regarding time management has helped me to carve out time to maintain balance between what I have to do and what I want to do. Using the calendar on my phone daily helps me to create realistic expectations for my time rather than overextending myself and having regrets when I fall short. There are two things that I am adamant about making time for on a daily basis and they are time for sleeping and time to do absolutely nothing! Although the length of time changes for both, when I stick to this I am honoring another way to practice daily self-care in a small but significant way.
The inner work that I do sets the stage for me to embrace, but not need, the fun activities that are labeled as self-care. This outlook puts me in a position to choose to engage with life from a place of self-love which transcends to self-care. Depending on what life throws at us, our desires for the type of self-care changes, but the foundation above has the capacity to sustain us. Truth is, you can have a spa day, gym routine, and/ or planned travel lined up all the time in the name of self-care, but still feel unfulfilled if done without the proper mindset and a sense of purpose. Becoming more aware of the how, what, and why behind everything you choose to do is where you preserve your power and really change your life! When your attitude and actions are aligned, true self-care happens automatically.
I hope this challenges you to think deeply about and/or modify the mentality you have about self-care today. I look forward to knowing what you do to maintain a self-care mindset. If you don’t have one, which of the five practices above can you incorporate today? Let’s chat below!